My friend Frances is a ballet teacher and very involved in the ballet happenings in Gauteng. She phoned me at the beginning of this week to say the person who was to compere the ballet festival on Friday (yesterday) couldn’t make it so would I fill in.
So, off I went at lunchtime and Frances gave me some instructions on what to do etc. and how to operate the music system. Horrors! I had to play the music as well and this involves stressed teachers mumbling a girls name and track number and then disappearing…. I think Frances saw the look on my face and went off to find an ex student to help – thank goodness. She went off to help in the tuck shop at the dinner break – this was a 7 hour marathon dance festival. Michelle was replaced with a much younger Crystal who, with about 10 second instructions from me (by this stage I was pretty savvy with what to do), grasped the workings of tape decks, cd slots and sound control. Amazing – just give it to a teenager.
Anyway, I was feeling a lot more at ease with my tasks. I was however just a little disappointed and feeling a bit inhibited that I had to stick to a script – no yelling out “Yeah for the girl in blue”, or “give the lass who lost her skirt a big round of applause”. No, it was all quite sedate and controlled.
But the script was about the only sedate thing happening back stage and this is really the purpose of this blog.
A ballet festival is the most hectic and stressful place backstage – which is where I was and hundreds of little girls, teachers, stage hands, bits and pieces of scenery, bags of props, the odd mother or two who got chased away. The teachers have groups of girls (and one little boy) or solo dancers they have to get on stage, pacify restless children, praise the ones coming off the stage, give me instructions, give us the music, make sure the kids have the correct outfits, makeup, hairstyles and so on…… The festival is the result of months of work – possibly the entire year. And some kids get and A+ and some get Cs. There are tears and disappointed faces and some very happy ones.
But here’s the thing – this is actually a public performance appraisal of the teachers. They dancers are judged by the ballet adjudicators and the teacher is judged on the results her pupils get. This is how she gets students to her studio – this is her livelihood. And all the results belted out by the adjudicator in public. And if that is not enough, during the 3 sessions in the afternoon and evening, I told the audience (the parents) 7 times that if they had a problem with the results they were to talk only to the people at the back desk. The teachers take a pounding from the parents. It is very difficult – I now know what Frances means when she rolls her eyes heavenward and says “ballet mothers”.
In conclusion: I wondered how many of us sitting in comfy offices would take having our performance review done with the entire staff and customer base looking on and allowing them to object if they felt like it. …. Not likely.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Terms and Conditions
A few years ago I had the enormous privilege to work with a start-up non profit fund raising organisation. This organisation has a novel method of collecting funds and consequently had to ensure that all the complicated legal and other governance issues were well and truly covered. Our attorneys belonged to one of the countries biggest firms and they unstintingly spent so much time (pro bono) with us and shared their knowledge. It was a tremendous learning experience: contracts, patents, trust and foundation law and so on, even tax issues thrown in for good measure.
For me, I found contracts to be really interesting (I also enjoyed patents, but more of this another time). The biggest lesson was that a contract should be fair for both parties ie. If a contract is 100%, then each party should benefit by 50% each. So, if I rent a place for Rxy, being the standard rate for a 2 bedroom flat, then I expect to get a 2 bedroom flat, no more, no less. And you can apply this to employment, purchasing a motor vehicle etc.
Well now I am going to talk about personal relationships. And you may quite rightly ask what on earth this has to do with contracts.
In the last couple of week, I have heard a number of people (men and women) talk, albeit sheepishly, about “contracts” they have entered into with their so called significant other.
The contracts go something like this: Person A says to potential significant other at the beginning of relationship
· “I don’t ever see us walking off hand in hand into the sunset”,
· “the most important thing in my life is my mother/sister/children/father/wife/husband and they will always come first”,
· “I am incapable of loving so don’t expect that”,
· “this will just be a short term relationship – with no strings attached”,
· “you can get out of this relationship any time you like – I will not hold you back”
Do you see what is happening here? Are these people emotionally dead/deprived or what? What they are actually saying is that your needs just do not count, my needs do. This is a one sided relationship of note.
Even worse is to come. The people who told me these things are in a bit of a pickle because their emotions are involved, they want a bit more commitment now and when they tried to discuss this with the “advantaged other” they were told “but I stated the Terms and Conditions at the beginning – so what’s your problem - you knew what the story was – I have always been honest with you”. The problem is that no-one should get involved in relationships where T & C’s are so one sided. If you are going to have a fling, by all means have a fling. But a fling does not last 1, 3, 5, 7 years. Good grief – these relationships are entirely one sided. Why should they change their minds?
But my personal favourite with one of these relationships, is of a married man who began an affair with: “I will not hurt my wife, I am known as a man of honour and I will never break a promise, I gave my word to my wife (ie. Till death do us part), I cannot hurt the kids even if they are grown up, and so on and so on”. Do you also see something wrong with this? This man, in one breath states he is an honourable man, but is quite happy to lie to and deceive his nearest and dearest and mess up someone else’s life in the process – but he did warn her first… well one hopes so, cause that makes it all OK. And this is the classic one sided contract – definitely no win/win here.
And yes, you may ask why people (men and women) can be so stupid – well who knows, but the heart, a bit of lust and some true emotions do get in the way of rational thinking…….
And the final lesson here – remember, always remember how a contract should be structured.
For me, I found contracts to be really interesting (I also enjoyed patents, but more of this another time). The biggest lesson was that a contract should be fair for both parties ie. If a contract is 100%, then each party should benefit by 50% each. So, if I rent a place for Rxy, being the standard rate for a 2 bedroom flat, then I expect to get a 2 bedroom flat, no more, no less. And you can apply this to employment, purchasing a motor vehicle etc.
Well now I am going to talk about personal relationships. And you may quite rightly ask what on earth this has to do with contracts.
In the last couple of week, I have heard a number of people (men and women) talk, albeit sheepishly, about “contracts” they have entered into with their so called significant other.
The contracts go something like this: Person A says to potential significant other at the beginning of relationship
· “I don’t ever see us walking off hand in hand into the sunset”,
· “the most important thing in my life is my mother/sister/children/father/wife/husband and they will always come first”,
· “I am incapable of loving so don’t expect that”,
· “this will just be a short term relationship – with no strings attached”,
· “you can get out of this relationship any time you like – I will not hold you back”
Do you see what is happening here? Are these people emotionally dead/deprived or what? What they are actually saying is that your needs just do not count, my needs do. This is a one sided relationship of note.
Even worse is to come. The people who told me these things are in a bit of a pickle because their emotions are involved, they want a bit more commitment now and when they tried to discuss this with the “advantaged other” they were told “but I stated the Terms and Conditions at the beginning – so what’s your problem - you knew what the story was – I have always been honest with you”. The problem is that no-one should get involved in relationships where T & C’s are so one sided. If you are going to have a fling, by all means have a fling. But a fling does not last 1, 3, 5, 7 years. Good grief – these relationships are entirely one sided. Why should they change their minds?
But my personal favourite with one of these relationships, is of a married man who began an affair with: “I will not hurt my wife, I am known as a man of honour and I will never break a promise, I gave my word to my wife (ie. Till death do us part), I cannot hurt the kids even if they are grown up, and so on and so on”. Do you also see something wrong with this? This man, in one breath states he is an honourable man, but is quite happy to lie to and deceive his nearest and dearest and mess up someone else’s life in the process – but he did warn her first… well one hopes so, cause that makes it all OK. And this is the classic one sided contract – definitely no win/win here.
And yes, you may ask why people (men and women) can be so stupid – well who knows, but the heart, a bit of lust and some true emotions do get in the way of rational thinking…….
And the final lesson here – remember, always remember how a contract should be structured.
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